i haven’t been honest

i haven’t been honest with you.
i told you that i was going to share myself.
i told you that i was going to open up to you finally.
i promised gifts that were gifted to me.
i promised to share what was infinite.
but instead, i was afraid.
i was afraid that the gifts were insignificant trinkets.
experiments that were preparation for real work that never was done.
i thought i could maintain my level of safety.
i thought i could get away with just sharing other’s visions
instead of my own.
turns out it hurts too much.
the dull pain of separating myself creatively from the rest of the whole
is so subversive that it manifests as anything but the truth.
anything but the simple truth that
what you do not share, you do not have.
and when you share, you HAVE more.
initially, it’s a muscle of persistence that must be flexed.
in every moment of the NOW – the choice must be made
to choose opening rather than closing yourself in fear.
i’ve fallen off this wagon more times than stayed on.
so this time, i ask of my brothers and sisters…
to remind me to share.
to remind me to share myself.
because i have so much to share.
more than you can ever imagine.

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